Still feeling sluggish, lethargic, and reeeeeeally tired today. My muscles feel sore, and I feel like I can't quite think clearly or quickly enough - kinda foggy. I get kind of trembly sometimes, and simple tasks are overwhelming me (anything involving lifting, especially). I definitely feel really, really weak - like how I normally feel after the worst of flu symptoms and fever pass. I'm assuming this is still detox? I hope this "feel-like-a-limp-washrag-that's-been-wrung-out" passes in a couple of days.
I took a short 30 minute nap in the early afternoon, and had to turn around and take another 1 hour nap in the late afternoon/evening, as I felt like I couldn't even hold my head up anymore at that time. Still didn't feel great after those, either. I'm not sure if my body is trying to tell me to rest...but laying in bed feels sooooooo good at this time. Unfortunately, I have two little kiddos to take care of and work to get done, so laying around all day is simply not an option for me. I was lucky and thankful to have the two naps today, however.
Hopefully, this will pass in a couple of days.
I've had a few cravings, but they were incredibly brief. I was craving just a little bit of cheese earlier (and ate some avocado in response, which satisfied me 100%), and a couple of times, the thought crossed my mind that a couple of saltine crackers would be lovely. I didn't act on them, however - and they passed within a minute or two. Even if I'm not hungry that much, if I have a craving or a thought for something other than raw food, I stuff my face with something raw and drink water until it goes away. 100% of the time, it always does go away. I am also thankful to be off caffeine during this time - I could only imagine how terrible I'd feel while being raw and then getting caffeine highs and lows on top of everything else.
Hubs and I were discussing going on a 30 day juice fast soon - perhaps even starting this upcoming Monday. If I'm feeling this bad right now, however, I am feeling that a juice fast would only intensify things worse - so I'm not quite sure if I'm really ready. If I start to feel really good these next few days, however, then I'll definitely consider it. If not this Monday, then the next would be great.
A juice fast sounds great, although I'm wondering how it will affect my cravings for fat. I eat raw nuts and avocado whenever I feel the need for some fat, and I end up really satisfied with it - not sure what I'll do if/when that craving hits me on the fast. I need to look up if coconut milk can be used on the fast, but I'm doubting it.
My goal for this juice fast is to lose about 20-25 lbs (more would have me jumping over the moon in joy) in 30 days. That's a pretty tall order, but not unheard of for an overweight person - so, we'll see. It would be incredible if I lose 10 lbs total before starting the juice fast...and then carve out another 20-25 lbs from there. That would mean something like 30-35 lbs of weight loss in six weeks, which is fabulous! Plus, I'd still have another couple of months before my birthday to continue losing and meet my goal weight of 120 lbs. I would still need to be very firm on my all-raw diet, but it could definitely happen with this fast thrown in there.
I'm also hoping the fast will live up to what many people have said it does - increased energy, increased focus, quick weight loss, "cleaner" body, feeling rejuvenated, etc. I definitely can't WAIT until I can get out of my "large" clothes and into mediums...and then smalls. I can't believe I'm only a few short months from a size 4.
I read an article online about being capable vs. being ready. Just because you are capable of something, doesn't mean that you are ready for it - mentally, spiritually, etc. I know I've been capable of losing this weight (never found a good way to do it, though), but I don't think I was really in the correct mindset for it (or really ready for it, although I thought I was). I'm seeing it now as already having it - already being small and slim, with nothing but just a little time to get through to finally reach it. But I know it's mine. I know I'm there already in my mind. Before, I'd always envision myself thin "sometime" in the future. Hence, losing weight and meeting my goal of 120 lbs forever was in the indefinite "future".
Even as I was actively dieting (most of the time on low carb diets), and actively thinking about my goals, I simply wasn't there already in my mind. I knew I wanted to be thin, I knew I needed to lose weight, I knew I needed to change my eating habits (and did), etc....but it only took me so far. I would get on the scale and still see that I was seemingly soooo far from my goal weight. I would look in the mirror and shudder at what I saw when I got out of the shower. Even when I lost weight sometimes (got down to a size eight a couple of years ago), my weight loss halted...and one reason why I think it did is because I was pretty impressed and satisfied with how far I had come to that point...and I stopped visualizing my new goal so much (or it still seemed and felt really "far away" at the time). I always told myself that I'd get to my perfect weight of 120 lbs, but I didn't FEEL it at the time. Plus, I felt pretty good at the weight I was at (even though it wasn't perfect), at the time...so I wasn't "driven" or horrendously motivated to keep going further.
I'm sooooo feeling it right now. I'm there. I'm 120 lbs already in my mind. I'm recognizing that this is a totally different mindset shift for me - probably for the first time in my entire life. I now see my current weight as merely transitional...because the REAL me is 120 lbs, and there's only a couple of months until I'm back to my real self again. And oh, how good it feels....LOL!
I don't think I'd be able to go all raw and do juice fasts, etc. without this mindset. It's taken several other shifts in other aspects of my life to finally get to the point I'm at right now...to be ready. In the mind.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day Nine
So far, I haven't died yet on this diet (although many opposed to it claimed that I would - ha!), although today I believe I am experiencing more detox symptoms. I went to the dry sauna this afternoon, and it did the opposite of what it normally does - it ran me down, made me unfocused and weak, with some general flu-like "achiness" all over. I am feeling this to the point that I can barely type this and can hardly stand for more than a few minutes at a time. In addition, I am feeling shaky and trembling quite a bit. A nap only exacerbated these symptoms, although all I feel like doing is laying around in bed. YUCK.
Hopefully, these symptoms will get a little better tomorrow. I think I was already having a more intensive detox day, and that sauna just took my body over the edge...although, I kind of feel that this is OK. The more I can get through and trudge through the yucky days, the closer I know I am getting to cleansing my body and becoming more whole - transforming my body into a newer, healthier me.
Speaking of transformations, I noted this morning that I have officially lost 6 lbs. 6 lbs in 8 days - that's pretty awesome! After that weigh-in, my body decided to purge a big bunch of stuff to the porcelain god, but I didn't weigh myself again. I decided that I'll weigh myself in another couple of days (maybe even a week), and I'm betting that my weight loss will continue in a positive direction DOWNwards. ;)
Some weird symptoms - I noticed that my right eyelid was twitching today...kind of throbbing and pulsing with each heartbeat or something (it actually feels like a miniature heart beating in my eyelid...ha!). I haven't felt that in a long time, but I remember feeling it often as a kid.
Another strange side effect I've noticed is the incredibly vivid and emotional dreams I've been having since going raw. I know people call this "emotional detox"...but...wow. I don't remember any others, but one of them involved me being trapped by "bad" people, and I somehow was able to escape by killing/stabbing one of the bad guys while in captivity. The rest of them tried to chase me while I ran like hell, and they nearly caught up to me...but I somehow caught a breeze and the wind literally picked me up and carried me far away.
When I landed, my name and face were all over the newspapers, with a detailed article about how I had murdered someone and there was a warrant for my arrest.
In the dream, I was hysterical because all I could think of was getting alienated from my children if I got locked away forever...and no one seemed to care that I had killed someone in self defense - I was assumed to have had sort of malicious intent. The papers called the "bad" guy I killed "innocent", and me....
GUILTY.
I awoke in a panic about my children. Other dreams (don't remember details) involve a lot of arguing, shouting and yelling at people - lots of anger and frustration...and I generally get very emotional and upset in these dreams. Hmmm...lots of emotional detox going on there, methinks.
Veddy interestink.
One other interesting thing is that we finally tried a young thai coconut for the first time (we live waaaay out in the country, but when I commute to work a couple days a week, there's a Kroger I found on the way that carries them). All I have to say about them, is WOW. Hubs took the meat and the milk and a couple of ice cubes (from our reverse osmosis water) and blended them up. It tasted soooo fantastic - it truly tasted like a frothy, rich (even sweet) milkshake all on its own. He said next time he'll maybe add some cinnamon and nutmeg (we are using spices on this diet, although some raw foodists don't), so I'm looking forward to that! Needless to say, I'll definitely be picking up more of those from here on out!
Hopefully, these symptoms will get a little better tomorrow. I think I was already having a more intensive detox day, and that sauna just took my body over the edge...although, I kind of feel that this is OK. The more I can get through and trudge through the yucky days, the closer I know I am getting to cleansing my body and becoming more whole - transforming my body into a newer, healthier me.
Speaking of transformations, I noted this morning that I have officially lost 6 lbs. 6 lbs in 8 days - that's pretty awesome! After that weigh-in, my body decided to purge a big bunch of stuff to the porcelain god, but I didn't weigh myself again. I decided that I'll weigh myself in another couple of days (maybe even a week), and I'm betting that my weight loss will continue in a positive direction DOWNwards. ;)
Some weird symptoms - I noticed that my right eyelid was twitching today...kind of throbbing and pulsing with each heartbeat or something (it actually feels like a miniature heart beating in my eyelid...ha!). I haven't felt that in a long time, but I remember feeling it often as a kid.
Another strange side effect I've noticed is the incredibly vivid and emotional dreams I've been having since going raw. I know people call this "emotional detox"...but...wow. I don't remember any others, but one of them involved me being trapped by "bad" people, and I somehow was able to escape by killing/stabbing one of the bad guys while in captivity. The rest of them tried to chase me while I ran like hell, and they nearly caught up to me...but I somehow caught a breeze and the wind literally picked me up and carried me far away.
When I landed, my name and face were all over the newspapers, with a detailed article about how I had murdered someone and there was a warrant for my arrest.
In the dream, I was hysterical because all I could think of was getting alienated from my children if I got locked away forever...and no one seemed to care that I had killed someone in self defense - I was assumed to have had sort of malicious intent. The papers called the "bad" guy I killed "innocent", and me....
GUILTY.
I awoke in a panic about my children. Other dreams (don't remember details) involve a lot of arguing, shouting and yelling at people - lots of anger and frustration...and I generally get very emotional and upset in these dreams. Hmmm...lots of emotional detox going on there, methinks.
Veddy interestink.
One other interesting thing is that we finally tried a young thai coconut for the first time (we live waaaay out in the country, but when I commute to work a couple days a week, there's a Kroger I found on the way that carries them). All I have to say about them, is WOW. Hubs took the meat and the milk and a couple of ice cubes (from our reverse osmosis water) and blended them up. It tasted soooo fantastic - it truly tasted like a frothy, rich (even sweet) milkshake all on its own. He said next time he'll maybe add some cinnamon and nutmeg (we are using spices on this diet, although some raw foodists don't), so I'm looking forward to that! Needless to say, I'll definitely be picking up more of those from here on out!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Day 7 Raw
I decided to start this blog to document my progress (and failures) during my raw food "trial" - that is, eating raw food (as close to 100% as I can muster) until I reach my goal weight of 120 lbs. This is Day Seven for me.
I am not going to record publically how much I weigh right now, as I don't want to broadcast that number and keep looking at/thinking about it (ugh!), and I would much rather simply focus on my goal weight number. I will not be weighing myself every day, as that seems to demotivate me (ie, "Look, I'm down two pounds today!" and then the next day, "Oh, &@#*, I've gained 3 lbs since yesterday! AHHHHHH! Screw this, I'm going to eat some pizza!"), although I will be weighing myself at least once a week to get a reference. (For those of you following me as I lose the weight, it won't be hard to figure out as I will be recording how much I LOSE over time... so you'll get a chance to do the math if you're so inclined. ;) )
For instance, on average as of this morning, it appears that I lost about 4.5 - 5 lbs since starting all raw last Monday. This is pretty exciting for me, mainly because it feels like I'm seriously pigging out endlessly, and I haven't even't started an exercise regime yet (although I went to a dry sauna twice during this time and sweated out my worries for about an hour each time). I keep getting concerned that I'm eating too many avocados and raw nuts, but...I still somehow lost weight overall. Yahoo!
(A side note: I have not been able to lose that amount of weight on any other diet anymore for years...including low carb/high fat, low carb/low fat, no carb, low calorie, SUPER low calorie (as in under 800-900 calories a day), low fat, exercising like hell, protein shakes, diet pills, blah blah blah...you name it, I've probably tried it!!!!)
My husband is also doing this with me, which helps us both out (and gives us less of a temptation to go flying off of the diet), although our 4 (almost five) year old son is still eating "normal" food that we have to prepare (we have a 7 month old too, but we are easily not "tempted" by baby food or formula, LOL).
Every now and then, I think about having some cheese or something (if there was anything in this world that will always be my downfall, it's CHEESE), but overall, I have to say that after the first couple of days, I do not have much cravings. We are not drinking anything except water from our reverse osmosis faucet (unless I add lemon or something), so we are off of caffeine and any other stimulants. This should go without saying, but we are also not consuming any alcohol, either.
This first week wasn't so bad, although I had a couple of days where I felt super weak and lethargic. That has passed for the most part, although I get pretty wore out by the end of the day, and I seriously feel like I can sleep 12-14 hours a day (I got about 9-10 hours of sleep last night and felt like I could just keep on sleeping).
I have not felt the "bursts of energy" that many prononents tout, but I am doing okay for now...and plus, I'm only just beginning.
My birthday (turning 33 - whee!) is on July 14, and I want to be pretty darn close to 120 at that point. Hubs and I are agreeing to go all raw for a couple of weeks, and then we may consider a juice fast for 15-30 days to expedite the weight loss progress, as well as to more thoroughly cleanse our systems. (After that, we'll resume the all raw diet again until we hit our goal weights, and at that point, we'll decide whether we want to stay raw, or switch to vegan, etc.) I'm actually looking forward to the juice cleanse, as I hear people have tons of energy and lots of mental clarity - something I REALLY, really desire. Plus, the weight loss is enticing, too. ;)
Overall, I keep picturing myself weighing 120 lbs. I was a size 4 at that weight, so I'm checking out all the cute size 4 outfits that I see and trying to visualize myself in them. I'm going to look so cute...aww....! ;) I'm also super excited about being slim and healthy and full of energy...so when winter rolls around, I'll be skiing my butt off...and I'll be hiking and camping and running around with my boys (and actually keeping up with them) the rest of the time with limitless outdoor activities. It's awesome!
The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was really motivated, but I stopped at a certain point (about a size 8), and then maintained that for a while. Over time...you guessed it...I started gaining more weight. I thought I could picture myself becoming smaller, but I never truly visualized it...and never saw it as already MINE. Now, I am. Don't ask me what has changed on this level, but I know that if I persist at this, it's only a few short months before I'm there. That's it. There's only a few months standing in the way of my perfect size. That's nothing!
So, there you have it. I will be 120 by July 14, 2010. I'm broadcasting this now, so that there's no going back. I'll either meet my goal, or look really dumb - either way, I'll either be there, or be much closer than where I'm at right now.
Win-win.
I am not going to record publically how much I weigh right now, as I don't want to broadcast that number and keep looking at/thinking about it (ugh!), and I would much rather simply focus on my goal weight number. I will not be weighing myself every day, as that seems to demotivate me (ie, "Look, I'm down two pounds today!" and then the next day, "Oh, &@#*, I've gained 3 lbs since yesterday! AHHHHHH! Screw this, I'm going to eat some pizza!"), although I will be weighing myself at least once a week to get a reference. (For those of you following me as I lose the weight, it won't be hard to figure out as I will be recording how much I LOSE over time... so you'll get a chance to do the math if you're so inclined. ;) )
For instance, on average as of this morning, it appears that I lost about 4.5 - 5 lbs since starting all raw last Monday. This is pretty exciting for me, mainly because it feels like I'm seriously pigging out endlessly, and I haven't even't started an exercise regime yet (although I went to a dry sauna twice during this time and sweated out my worries for about an hour each time). I keep getting concerned that I'm eating too many avocados and raw nuts, but...I still somehow lost weight overall. Yahoo!
(A side note: I have not been able to lose that amount of weight on any other diet anymore for years...including low carb/high fat, low carb/low fat, no carb, low calorie, SUPER low calorie (as in under 800-900 calories a day), low fat, exercising like hell, protein shakes, diet pills, blah blah blah...you name it, I've probably tried it!!!!)
My husband is also doing this with me, which helps us both out (and gives us less of a temptation to go flying off of the diet), although our 4 (almost five) year old son is still eating "normal" food that we have to prepare (we have a 7 month old too, but we are easily not "tempted" by baby food or formula, LOL).
Every now and then, I think about having some cheese or something (if there was anything in this world that will always be my downfall, it's CHEESE), but overall, I have to say that after the first couple of days, I do not have much cravings. We are not drinking anything except water from our reverse osmosis faucet (unless I add lemon or something), so we are off of caffeine and any other stimulants. This should go without saying, but we are also not consuming any alcohol, either.
This first week wasn't so bad, although I had a couple of days where I felt super weak and lethargic. That has passed for the most part, although I get pretty wore out by the end of the day, and I seriously feel like I can sleep 12-14 hours a day (I got about 9-10 hours of sleep last night and felt like I could just keep on sleeping).
I have not felt the "bursts of energy" that many prononents tout, but I am doing okay for now...and plus, I'm only just beginning.
My birthday (turning 33 - whee!) is on July 14, and I want to be pretty darn close to 120 at that point. Hubs and I are agreeing to go all raw for a couple of weeks, and then we may consider a juice fast for 15-30 days to expedite the weight loss progress, as well as to more thoroughly cleanse our systems. (After that, we'll resume the all raw diet again until we hit our goal weights, and at that point, we'll decide whether we want to stay raw, or switch to vegan, etc.) I'm actually looking forward to the juice cleanse, as I hear people have tons of energy and lots of mental clarity - something I REALLY, really desire. Plus, the weight loss is enticing, too. ;)
Overall, I keep picturing myself weighing 120 lbs. I was a size 4 at that weight, so I'm checking out all the cute size 4 outfits that I see and trying to visualize myself in them. I'm going to look so cute...aww....! ;) I'm also super excited about being slim and healthy and full of energy...so when winter rolls around, I'll be skiing my butt off...and I'll be hiking and camping and running around with my boys (and actually keeping up with them) the rest of the time with limitless outdoor activities. It's awesome!
The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was really motivated, but I stopped at a certain point (about a size 8), and then maintained that for a while. Over time...you guessed it...I started gaining more weight. I thought I could picture myself becoming smaller, but I never truly visualized it...and never saw it as already MINE. Now, I am. Don't ask me what has changed on this level, but I know that if I persist at this, it's only a few short months before I'm there. That's it. There's only a few months standing in the way of my perfect size. That's nothing!
So, there you have it. I will be 120 by July 14, 2010. I'm broadcasting this now, so that there's no going back. I'll either meet my goal, or look really dumb - either way, I'll either be there, or be much closer than where I'm at right now.
Win-win.
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