Day 10

Still feeling sluggish, lethargic, and reeeeeeally tired today. My muscles feel sore, and I feel like I can't quite think clearly or quickly enough - kinda foggy. I get kind of trembly sometimes, and simple tasks are overwhelming me (anything involving lifting, especially). I definitely feel really, really weak - like how I normally feel after the worst of flu symptoms and fever pass. I'm assuming this is still detox? I hope this "feel-like-a-limp-washrag-that's-been-wrung-out" passes in a couple of days.

I took a short 30 minute nap in the early afternoon, and had to turn around and take another 1 hour nap in the late afternoon/evening, as I felt like I couldn't even hold my head up anymore at that time. Still didn't feel great after those, either. I'm not sure if my body is trying to tell me to rest...but laying in bed feels sooooooo good at this time. Unfortunately, I have two little kiddos to take care of and work to get done, so laying around all day is simply not an option for me. I was lucky and thankful to have the two naps today, however.

Hopefully, this will pass in a couple of days.

I've had a few cravings, but they were incredibly brief. I was craving just a little bit of cheese earlier (and ate some avocado in response, which satisfied me 100%), and a couple of times, the thought crossed my mind that a couple of saltine crackers would be lovely. I didn't act on them, however - and they passed within a minute or two. Even if I'm not hungry that much, if I have a craving or a thought for something other than raw food, I stuff my face with something raw and drink water until it goes away. 100% of the time, it always does go away. I am also thankful to be off caffeine during this time - I could only imagine how terrible I'd feel while being raw and then getting caffeine highs and lows on top of everything else.

Hubs and I were discussing going on a 30 day juice fast soon - perhaps even starting this upcoming Monday. If I'm feeling this bad right now, however, I am feeling that a juice fast would only intensify things worse - so I'm not quite sure if I'm really ready. If I start to feel really good these next few days, however, then I'll definitely consider it. If not this Monday, then the next would be great.

A juice fast sounds great, although I'm wondering how it will affect my cravings for fat. I eat raw nuts and avocado whenever I feel the need for some fat, and I end up really satisfied with it - not sure what I'll do if/when that craving hits me on the fast. I need to look up if coconut milk can be used on the fast, but I'm doubting it.

My goal for this juice fast is to lose about 20-25 lbs (more would have me jumping over the moon in joy) in 30 days. That's a pretty tall order, but not unheard of for an overweight person - so, we'll see. It would be incredible if I lose 10 lbs total before starting the juice fast...and then carve out another 20-25 lbs from there. That would mean something like 30-35 lbs of weight loss in six weeks, which is fabulous! Plus, I'd still have another couple of months before my birthday to continue losing and meet my goal weight of 120 lbs. I would still need to be very firm on my all-raw diet, but it could definitely happen with this fast thrown in there.

I'm also hoping the fast will live up to what many people have said it does - increased energy, increased focus, quick weight loss, "cleaner" body, feeling rejuvenated, etc. I definitely can't WAIT until I can get out of my "large" clothes and into mediums...and then smalls. I can't believe I'm only a few short months from a size 4.

I read an article online about being capable vs. being ready. Just because you are capable of something, doesn't mean that you are ready for it - mentally, spiritually, etc. I know I've been capable of losing this weight (never found a good way to do it, though), but I don't think I was really in the correct mindset for it (or really ready for it, although I thought I was). I'm seeing it now as already having it - already being small and slim, with nothing but just a little time to get through to finally reach it. But I know it's mine. I know I'm there already in my mind. Before, I'd always envision myself thin "sometime" in the future. Hence, losing weight and meeting my goal of 120 lbs forever was in the indefinite "future".

Even as I was actively dieting (most of the time on low carb diets), and actively thinking about my goals, I simply wasn't there already in my mind. I knew I wanted to be thin, I knew I needed to lose weight, I knew I needed to change my eating habits (and did), etc....but it only took me so far. I would get on the scale and still see that I was seemingly soooo far from my goal weight. I would look in the mirror and shudder at what I saw when I got out of the shower. Even when I lost weight sometimes (got down to a size eight a couple of years ago), my weight loss halted...and one reason why I think it did is because I was pretty impressed and satisfied with how far I had come to that point...and I stopped visualizing my new goal so much (or it still seemed and felt really "far away" at the time). I always told myself that I'd get to my perfect weight of 120 lbs, but I didn't FEEL it at the time. Plus, I felt pretty good at the weight I was at (even though it wasn't perfect), at the time...so I wasn't "driven" or horrendously motivated to keep going further.

I'm sooooo feeling it right now. I'm there. I'm 120 lbs already in my mind. I'm recognizing that this is a totally different mindset shift for me - probably for the first time in my entire life. I now see my current weight as merely transitional...because the REAL me is 120 lbs, and there's only a couple of months until I'm back to my real self again. And oh, how good it feels....LOL!

I don't think I'd be able to go all raw and do juice fasts, etc. without this mindset. It's taken several other shifts in other aspects of my life to finally get to the point I'm at right now...to be ready. In the mind.