Day 12, and Feeling Awful!!!!

Uuuuuuggggh. That's all I have to say. Uuuuuuugh.

Each day just gets worse, and worse, and...worse. What's even WORSE (as though I haven't used that word enough), is that I am having severe emotional detox on top of this.

I am physically in PAIN. My upper and lower back hurts horribly (with those nasty, terrible knots all in it), it hurts to walk or stand or move, and every joint, muscle, bone, and even my ORGANS feel like they are filled with PAIN and soreness and knots, etc. Everything hurts.

Getting back to the emotional detox, today was the worst yet. I awoke feeling "okay" emotionally - so I thought. My husband asked me an annoying question this morning (well...more than "annoying" - it was hurtful to me to begin with, but still not enough for me to fly off the deep end), and BOOM.

I felt a surge of such rage that rarely EVER comes over me (if ever). This is not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill anger...nor the, "Oh geez, that pisses me off," type feeling. This was a massive, aggressive, boiling-red-hot THING bubbling in me that made me want to start grabbing things and breaking them. I could feel myself grinding my teeth, wanting to smash anything breakable, punch my fist through walls, etc. (I didn't, by the way - LOL!) We're talking BAD. Irrational, even.

Thankfully, I got it under control, but if I was a less "stable" person (whatever that really means), I could only imagine what could happen. (I'm not normally an emotional/moody person, despite being a woman - I never got the PMS mood swings that a lot of women get, either. If you don't believe that, hubs will even vouch for it. :D)

I attempted to diffuse some of this anger by sweating in the sauna for over an hour. It wore me out physically, but the absolute feeling of pure rage still enveloped me. I took TWO naps in a row trying to get over this feeling, and then on top of the ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY and aggressive feelings, I started feeling all weepy, and started bawling for long periods of time. I get that's depression? Anxiety? I don't know. I just feel all over the place emotionally, but the main emotion I don't like is the anger - not this kind of anger, anyhow. I feel like it's almost a dangerous kind - whew!

I want to exercise, but have ZERO energy to even go for short walks. When I try, I get so out of breath, my heart races and races, I start seeing spots and getting dizzy (blacked out a couple of times - no joke) and I actually start trembling uncontrollably. I feel so weak! My muscles, arms, legs, etc. feel like jello. The fatigue is overwhelming. I am unable to get anything done, and I can't really function or seem to think straight. Even taking a shower is soooooo exhausting. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was power walking 4+ miles at least 3-4 times a week, so this is just plain @ss weird for me. I knew would probably "detox" and maybe feel yucky for a couple of days, but this just feels ridiculous. I'm almost 2 weeks into raw, with 4-5 days in a row feeling like utter SH!T with no end in sight. Each day just gets worse and worse. I cannot function like this, and I am scared to death what a juice fast is going to bring on, if I'm feeling this bad already.

Where's all this boundless energy, clarity of thought, etc?!

This is horrible!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

There.

Please, PLEASE tell me this gets better. :(

Okay. Breathe. Deep breaths. Just breathe. It's going to be okay...it's going to be okay..........